Unused Sketch #2: Obscure Foreign Film Review

Nghia Mai
3 min readJan 2, 2025

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The Premise

A parody of a film review show, where the host Neil Myles, a self proclaimed ‘xeno cinephile’ (not to be taken the wrong way), and as the title suggested, reviews films from some of the most countries in the world from the comfort of a living room provided by the ‘broadcaster

In this week’s ‘edition’ of the show, Neil Myles provides his take on the critically acclaimed cinematic masterpiece from the Fully Awake People’s Republic of Barogkistan, ‘The Love That Dare Not Baaaaa Its Name.’

FADE IN:

INT. TELEVISION STUDIO — READING ROOM SET — AMBIGUOUS

Neil Myles, film critic and self-proclaimed ‘xeno cinephile’, is sitting in a room surrounded by random movie posters, wearing tweed and a pair of thick lens glasses. Smiling while facing the ‘camera.’

He turns to the ‘audience’ and speaks in a dignified, upper class accent.

NEIL MYLES

Good Evening. I am Neil Myles and welcome to

Obscure Foreign Film Review

TRANSITION TO:

TITLE SEQUENCE WITH CLASSICAL MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND. BACK TO NEIL MYLES

NEIL MYLES (CONT’D)

Tonight, we will review the award-winning film ‘The Love That Dare Not Baaaaa Its Name’ from the Fully Awake People’s Republic of Barogkistan.

PAUSE

NEIL MYLES (CONT’D)

Or as it is known in the original Barog (ad-lib with ‘Baaa’ in the middle).

CAPTION: ‘WE APOLOGISES ON BEHALF OF THE PRESENTER’S LACK OF FLUENCY TO THE BAROG COMMUNITY OF WATFORD… ALL TWO OF YOU.’

PAUSE

NEIL MYLES (CONT’D)

The story of the forbidden love between a mentally unstable peasant boy and his goat was the highest grossing and most expensive film in Barogkistani cinematic history, with an estimated cost of 100 million Manasks… the equivalence of a tenner.

CLOSE-UP SHOT OF NEIL MYLES’S FACE

NEIL MYLES (CONT’D)

Some of the best performances in the film came from the goat, which was provided by a farmer from the Northern part on the condition the state police stops torturing his family.

HE SMILES AT THE ‘CAMERA’. A SMALL GRIN ON THE FACE

NEIL MYLES (CONT’D)

A testament to this is the passionate inter-species lovemaking scene between the goat and the peasant boy, played by acclaimed actor Gnort Couhpenov. A scene so powerful it provoked the Baroqkistani Parliament to prioritise the passing of an important inter-species relationship legislation despite the threat of an impending drought which might threaten half of the population. But who needs food when you have the freedom to make love. And here’s a clip.

PRODUCER COMES OVER TO GIVE A REMINDER CARD TO MYLES. HE LOOKS AT IT FOR A BIT THEN FACES THE AUDIENCE.

NEIL MYLES (CONT’D)

I am sorry to inform you that the clip will not be shown since we have just received a strongly worded complaint from the Barogkistani Student Association of the University of Cornwall for cultural appropriation.

PRODUCER COMES OVER AGAIN TO GIVE ANOTHER NOTE

NEIL MYLES (CONT’D)

Another strongly worded complaint from UKIP for lack of promotion of ‘hardworking’ British cinema.

PRODUCER COMES OVER AGAIN TO GIVE NOTE

Neil Myles

And I shall be visited by 3 ghosts of the entertainment business at midnight.

PAUSE

Neil Myles

That’s all the time we have. Join us next time as we take a look at the first film ever made from the Southeast Asian state of Mo Phat. A documentary that details the opening of the country’s first ever cinema. Only because they needed something to fill it up with.

THE END.

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Nghia Mai
Nghia Mai

Written by Nghia Mai

Ireland-based Vietnamese humorist interested in making people of all creeds and species laugh and think. Cultural Ambassador (Whatever that means).

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